Butterflies

This time tomorrow night, I'll be at work taking care of my very own patients for the first time. All mine, just me. There will be no preceptor to double check what I'm doing, keep me on track or call the docs for me. I will be responsible for assessing, checking orders, administering meds, charting, bathing, talking on the telephone, giving report, and everything else that being a nurse entails.

In the past week, I have recovered patients after open heart surgery from the time they wheel out of the OR until the time they are discharged home. I have rushed a patient across the hospital to have a stat CT scan. I have successfully inserted a fecal management system. I have held the hand of a patient's family member who had to make the most difficult decision a human can make for the love of their life. But there's still soooo much I need to learn and experience.

I'm excited.

I'm nervous.

I'm blessed.

I'm scared.

From here on out I have to trust my instincts, my training and the big guy upstairs.